The "Old" Days?

So living with your grown kids lends itself to telling stories from the "old days" and how things "used to be." Funny, I don't think of the 60s, 70s and 80s as the "old days" let alone a source for lessons we can remember, let alone care to share. Let's see..."I walked 3 blocks to school in the rain when I was your age"...that just doesn't fly. What a dollar bought is always a classic but the current grim economy muddies the story with the billions that seem to be leaking from our very pockets. So do we have stories from the 60s and 70s that don't sound tired and are accompanied by soft violins? You betcha! And the accompanyment is loud Hendrix guitar. We have stories from the 60s that would curl your hair (if you have hair). How about the one about the metaphysical aspects of full body painting. Or then there is the one about putting a new spin on screen printing by inking motorcycle tire treads and rolling them over tee shirts (shirts on or off, I can't remember ;-) So, maybe stories from the "old days" aren't such a good idea. Surely stories about the books that changed our lives....hmmm The Joy of Sex, Our Bodies Ourselves, Catcher in the Rye, Siddartha...all these are conversation stoppers; although guarateed attention getters with the grandkids. Not so sure we want to open that can of worms either. Better we rely on the wisdom of our therpists who saved our very soul and brain cells that survived. Remember the mantras...Stay in the now. Just Be. Each day is a new story, she says with her pink glasses on. Isn't it a wondrous thing to actually like our kid(s). Not just love as in mother love, but like; as in respect, learn from, be inspired to do new things by and have an adult conversation with. Truly a rich and joyful experience. And if your experience includes a whole other layer of joy in raising grandkids, my hat is off to you. Next post is dedicated to you. I hope you'll share your story.

Get a Laugh!

If humor wasn't in your parenting tool kit, you'd better get it now! If you have forgotten how to laugh, you'd better start packing your spotless history of no bad habits now. A peaceful shared home with your adult child will not survive if you are always right...even if you are. Laugh at the small things and negotiate the big things. While I know you take great pride in how you arrange linens and how you make coffee, but listen, those cannot be the hills to stake your shared housing future on when you insist it's your way or no way. Believe it or not, giving up or giving in opens up way more options that could, just could be fun and new. Being flexible and open is the shared housing mantra. Now I'm not saying to cave and abdicate those little bits of daily life that make you the fascinating creature you are. Just be ready to consider different ways of doing things. Grind the coffee in the evening instead of the morning. Geez, was that so hard? Leave your coupons, crosswords and precious crafts on a table out of the daily kid traffic . Wow, revolutionary! Folks, these are not battles that you want to win with unilateral conviction. If negotiation and compromise have not been your strong suits, then this is the lesson that has been waiting just for you.

Way back when, you could get away with "Do it because I say so" but that not only does not fly, it implodes your goal of peaceful co-existence. Back away...just back away from any temptation of making corrections to your early parenting. The parent ground rules that you refined to a fine honed edge 20, 30 or 40 years ago will surely shred any efforts to create an extended family home. The way I look at it, this is a precious opprtunity to get to know, really get to know your child and when there are kids, your grandchildren. Relax and enjoy seeing that you did some things very right back in the "old days." Wait a minute. Are the 1960s and 70s now the "old days?" Well, that's another BLOG post.

It's Still Working

It's been 9 months now and I'm not doing laundry other than my own. I take that as a sign that I've not let my overactive "mom" gene take over. I'm not ironing work shirts (my personal most unfavorite task) and I'm only cooking when I feel like it. All this with learning new communications skills...like if I don't feel like cooking, letting it be known via text message, for example. And a new skill for me, staying out of what is not on my "to do" list...sometimes with effort. All-in-all, living together seems to be working so far and I feel privileged to get to know my son not as a kid, but as a friend and as a responsible adult who has good ideas and a perspective on things I can learn from. But this isn't about me....I want to know how this is going with the rest of you. What happens when it's not just a mom, but a mom and dad that shares space with kids and grandkids? As a society, are we returning to what was always a good idea...multi-generational households...out of economic necessity only or are we really embracing the opportunity to flourish and learn new skills. Does sharing space end up in somebody slipping back into dependence. What are the day-to-day happenings that can maintain the magic and ward off financial and emotional unbalance. What works? What new challenges do you face? What do you miss? What are the gifts? Our pioneer ancestors knew how to do this but does it work when you combine fiecely independent children of the 1960s with their Gen X kids? What a mix! How's it going for you?